Somewhere Along the Way
By Amanda Schaefer
Losing my mother after moving to care for her and my dad is a milestone I need to explore. My season of caregiving was packed with moments together. Not all of them were pleasant or easy, or even ones that I wanted to relive, but saying yes to caring for my parents during their final years is something that I always want to remember.
Going home to a family where dysfunction ran rampant was a difficult choice. I clearly remember the day that God told me it was time to care for my parents. I knew that I wanted to honor God and honor them. It was a “Yes Lord, send me” moment. To be honest, I wondered if I could actually do it.
THE BLESSINGS OF CAREGIVING
During the process of serving parents who were often difficult to love, I began to look just a little more like Jesus. God brought to life scriptures during those days. His word taught me how to love others as He loved me.
God gave me difficult circumstances which were beautiful opportunities to put aside my own needs to focus on the wounds of others.
God was breaking up the fallow ground in my heart. He cleared the weeds and tilled the parched earth within me. He had new things to grow and they needed good soil. Digging deep into my heart, God began pulling up roots and removing rocks. My heart needed to be plowed and readied for sowing. God had a harvest to plant.
My heart needed to be plowed and readied for sowing. God had a harvest to plant.
I hadn’t intended to, but I had walled off some things from God in an effort to not feel the anger and bitterness I hadn’t let Him heal yet.
During those years He pruned my wild vines and tilled the hardened soil. He sowed His word precisely where He knew it would grow best.
TEACHING AND LEARNING
One of the most healing memories I have is teaching my mother to knit again. She had macular degeneration and could barely see, but I had this idea that Mom could relearn to knit through muscle memory.
I set to the task slowly, gently, and to my surprise, with great patience. God was most certainly doing something. I got out my knitting needles and some yarn, and I sat with Mom. I would cast the stitches onto the needle and show her how to do it. I would get her started by doing a few rows.
Over time, little by little, she learned all of the steps again, but because of her sight sometimes she dropped stitches. At first, she would rip them out and start over, but somewhere along the way, my mother started the practice of tying a tiny little bow over places where she found a mistake.
I love that imagery: looking at our lives and seeing a dropped stitch, a missed opportunity, an empty space, and not trying to hide it but instead transforming it. It reminded me of the Japanese practice of golden joinery, the art of repairing broken pottery by mending the pieces with gold. Instead of throwing something away as useless, they highlighted the broken places, making them even stronger than the original vessel and more beautiful than before.
For those of us whom Jesus has transformed, this is His specialty. Our transformations take trauma, brokenness, and shame, and turn them into healing, peace, and joy. He continually strengthens those places in captivating ways.
A FINAL GOODBYE
The last three days of my mother’s life I was her everything. My Dad woke me at 1:30 in the morning and I ran downstairs to find my mother laboring to breathe. Mom and Dad were holding hands and talking when I entered the room. I could hear the desperate struggle, the deep crackle of fluid in her lungs. Grateful at that moment for my years of experience with the elderly and in hospice I set immediately into action.
I went over to my mom and pulled her up into a sitting position. I explained to both of my parents that this rattling noise was fluid in her lungs and that her failing heart was not able to push against gravity.
I edified her slumping shoulders with a tower of pillows stacked strategically between her back and the headboard. She was able to settle in and finally breathe again. Miraculously, Mom had a few hours of deep sleep. Before I left, we prayed together which eased her anxieties. The presence of the Holy Spirit was palpable.
For those of us whom Jesus has transformed, this is His specialty. Our transformations take trauma, brokenness, and shame, and turn them into healing, peace, and joy.
In the morning, I had gathered all of the supplies I would need from storage upstairs to make Mom as comfortable as possible. I had prepared for such a time as this. I helped my mother call our family members and talk with them. She was able to eat and drink and have conversations. Mom got to say all of the things she needed to say. We did, too.
That day was her rallying day. God gave her the strength to do what she needed to do before she went to be with Jesus.
Mom apologized for things I no longer harbored resentment for. I thanked her and told her how much I loved her. I felt God permanently remove the weight of those past burdens from my shoulders.
The following morning family began to flood in to spend time with Mom. We maneuvered through many hurdles as her breathing continued to worsen. My mother passed away peacefully that afternoon.
In the midst of the deafening silence of the absence of her breath, God gave me an image of Mom knitting. Her specialty was creating scarves and she must have made a thousand of them. Mom got more enjoyment out of knitting those scarves than anything I’ve seen. Over time some of them went to shelters for the homeless to keep warm, some of them were given to family members, and some of them still fill her drawers. I plan to take some to a homeless shelter and to make a blanket out of the rest for my dad.
Mom left a legacy.
About Amanda
Amanda Schaefer is a podcast host, author, and speaker. She carries with her the goodness of looking through a lens of gratitude. A Cup of Gratitude Podcast is global, reaching more than 108 countries and 3000 cities.
As a speaker, Amanda teaches the Bible while challenging audiences to live the way God intends. She has a way of making scripture come alive through everyday examples.
Amanda’s books include, Crumbled: A Place for Broken People and Daily Instaration. She is a contributing author in Life Changing Stories, and the newly released book, One Chance, One Dance. Her books are down to earth and packed with biblical truth. Amanda has also written articles for “The Brave Women Series,” “The Uncommon Normal Gratitude Series,” “The Love Offering,” “The Warrior Women Series,” “Butterfly Living,” “The Empty Nest Mom Series,” and “The Season Series.” She has a new collaborative book project coming out this July and another debuting this December.
Connect with Amanda:
Website: www.acupofgratitude.org
Instagram: www.instagram.com/acupof_gratitude
Facebook: www.facebook.com/amanda.f.schaefer