How to Grow Deeper with God Even in a Heartbreaking Season
By Jodi Snowdon
It was the worst day of my life.
Lying alone in my king-sized bed, I tossed and turned. The clock mocked me as the hours read one, then two, then three in the morning. Now it was 4:00 am, and I hadn’t slept a wink. My mind kept replaying the events of the evening over and over in my head. I still could not believe that this was the end.
Just hours earlier, I had stood there shocked by what my husband told me. I did not want to believe what I was hearing. Like a ton of bricks crashing over my body, the weight of his words was unbearable. Each utterance hurt as if a sword was piercing my heart. I wanted to escape, but I felt completely paralyzed.
As though coming face to face with a mountain lion, my instincts kicked in. My choice was fight or flight. With adrenaline pumping through my body, I had to get away from this giant predatory-sized pain chasing after me. I bolted for the stairs thinking, I don’t want to be divorced!
In the safety of my bedroom, I called my accountability partner, Erin, to share the heartbreaking news. Tears streaming down my face, I knew I would not be able to handle this alone. I needed her help.
As the phone was ringing, I thought back to the weekly walks Erin and I had been taking together the past several months to purposefully pray for healing in my marriage. I was truly hopeful that God could restore us, but now it looked bleak. When she answered the phone, I sobbed as I shared that my marriage of 15 years was over.
That night, I began enduring the hardest year of my life.
RUN TOWARD HIM
The next morning, I woke up and went digging through my desk. I remembered hearing a series at my church just months earlier called, “Getting Through What You’re Going Through.” Pastor Rick Warren had just come back from a hiatus as he grieved the loss of his youngest son. He had just suffered through the greatest heartbreak of his life, and his sermons were some of the most profound and amazing messages he has ever shared. Little did I know then how much I was going to need his wisdom.
Searching for the sermon notes, I read the words I had written on the top of the outline: “God uses pain to fulfill the purposes of your life.” Not at all sure how He was going to do that, I kept reading. One of his bullet points said, “I can use my pain to draw closer to God.” In the margin, I had scribbled, “You have a choice: you can run to God or run away from God.”
You have a choice: you can run to God or run away from God.
There is something about being taken to a place of heartbreak where you have to choose either to run to God with your pain or run away from God in anger. At that moment, I chose to run to the Lord with my pain: every hour, every day, or every minute if necessary.
I put down the sermon notes, grabbed my pen, and wrote this in my journal: “God, I truly want to grow from my pain. I don’t want it to break me. I want it to grow me and help me draw closer to you. Only you can give me strength in this nightmare I am living. Only you can turn my tears into hope. I lay this at your feet. Please take my pain and help me draw closer to you, your power, your strength, your love, and your comfort. Help me to teach my kids to do that too. Help me be an example to them and give me the strength for another day.”
NEVER ALONE
I am not going to tell you that life all of sudden got easier. I was facing a real storm. The waves kept crashing and the winds kept blowing. I can tell you this: God is faithful. He did give me strength each day, and He can do the same for you. As I cried out to Him each morning, He met me right where I was. Heartbroken. Hurting. Devastated.
He gave me comfort when I felt alone.
He gave me strength to help comfort my kids.
He gave me power to help me get through each day.
Looking back now, I don’t know how I got through those first weeks and months. Honestly, I just started with one simple step: inviting God into my pain each day. Sometimes I breathed a quick prayer, “Help me, God, today, I don’t have the strength.” Other days, I got up before my kids and journaled. Most often, I clung to a verse that reminded me I was not alone in my grief.
I needed these reminders constantly. Like water to my thirsty soul, I wanted to know that I was not facing this pain alone. On my hard days, it was vital for me to remember that God was walking step by step with me.
On my hard days, it was vital for me to remember that God was walking step by step with me.
Friend, the God of the Universe wants to walk step by step with you too!
I pray this truth brings you hope in the middle of your unexpected storm. You do not have to endure this alone. Psalms 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Remember God is near to us in our heartbreak. So, keep running to Him daily. He is faithful and will strengthen you during this storm. I also believe He wants to grow your roots deeper in your faith in a way you never knew possible. Allow Him to refine you to make you more like Jesus!
Praying for you,
Jodi Snowdon
This post was an excerpt from Jodi’s book, Depth: Growing Through Heartbreak to Strength. She is re-launching her book with her new last name on the cover. She has also added an epilogue and other items to the appendix.
About Jodi
Jodi Snowdon is an author, podcaster, and speaker who serves women through her podcast, Depth, and her blog, Heartbreak to Strength. In August 2022, she released her first book, Depth: Growing Through Heartbreak to Strength. Having walked through multiple heartbreaks (divorce, miscarriage, & cancer), Jodi now inspires women to grow deeper in their faith and to find hope, joy, and purpose through their unexpected storms. She lights up the most when she shares her testimony using her cracked clay pot, a visual reminder that God shines brightest through our broken places. She is raising two sons (one in college and one adulting) in Southern California where she teaches science to elementary students in the STEM Lab. Jodi would love to connect with you on her website, jodisnowdon.com or on Instagram @jodi.snowdon