Handling a Holiday Filled with Both Grief & Gratitude

Because so many of us are juggling a strange mix of feelings this December, I felt a nudge to share a free preview of my book, including the first and most popular essay, “A Season of Grief and Gratitude.” You may also find helpful “When Christmas Feels Like a Catastrophe,” “Help to Survive an Untraditional Christmas,” and “If You’ve Been Given a Difficult Role.” (And there’s a very special help for your gift-buying budget at the end of this post.)

Reach out with any comments or questions, and know I’m praying for blessings as you navigate this often difficult—but always holy—season.

*****

“You just sunk our friendship!” 

My older sibling laid the harsh words on me early one Christmas break. I was a little unclear about what I had done, but I knew it was bad, and this faux pas had created a big loss. We could no longer be friends. Ever again.

Crushed, I did the only thing my five-year-old self knew to do, the only thing that was in my control at the time. 

I ran away from home.

I packed my Holly Hobbie suitcase with a handful of saltines, two pieces of leftover Halloween candy, and three carrots to balance it out. Then, grabbing my coat, I headed to the most desolate and private place in my known universe: the pasture next to the house. 

As I walked deeper into the dry landscape, I noticed a structure in the distance and hatched an idea. I climbed the cold metal steps to the top of an oil storage tank that sat in the middle of the pasture. Pretending it was my own house, I unpacked my suitcase and set up my kitchen. I felt self-sufficient.

Aside from a few Angus steers, I was totally alone. Or so I thought. As I turned to glance back nostalgically at my not-so-distant childhood home, a truck barreled toward me in a whirlwind of dust. 

I imagined it was Dad, coming to rescue me or beg me to reconsider. 

It wasn’t.

Instead, an oil field worker arrived, unwelcome, at my new residence. He scolded me, warned me of certain injury or possible death, and threatened to tell my parents. In deep fear and a tinge of humiliation, I packed up and headed home.

Even in the glow of the freshly decorated Christmas tree, I felt the scowl of the offended sibling across the table that evening. Grateful to be back with my family, out of danger (and out of trouble), I was still feeling the grief that took me there in the first place. I struggled with that mix of feelings the entire holiday. It was a difficult place to be.

GRIEF MIXED WITH GRATITUDE

Following that runaway incident, I lived in the tension between grief and gratitude. Many live in this tight space, holding both in equal measure. Sometimes the whole world has felt too heavy. At least mine has:

• Grief for the loss of both parents within four months. 
• Grief for the loss of a quarantined year that seemed to evaporate from my certainly shortened life. 
• Grief for graduations, gatherings, hugs, that should have been.

But alongside my grief sits a corresponding helping of gratefulness: 

• Gratitude for extended family and understanding friends, for feeling alive at the far end of a harsh prognosis. 
• Gratitude for the existential push to start pursuing a delayed dream. 
• Gratitude for God-given medical expertise. 

The things I am most grateful for reflect what I am grieving deepest.

Lori Ann wood

I am perplexed to feel both emotions so strongly; it seems almost hypocritical. But I am also struck that the things I am most grateful for reflect what I am grieving deepest. Just like that attempted move to the pasture. 

Francis Weller says it is possible and even beneficial to experience both grief and gratitude:

The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them.

Frances Weller

Grief and gratitude are not an either/or proposition. We can be grateful and still be grieving. One was never meant to negate or supersede the other.

GRATITUDE NEEDS GRIEF

Grief and gratitude can coexist, and maybe they have to...

(Read the conclusion of this essay from the book HERE. This pdf will include the book’s intro and a bonus essay at the end. If you just want to finish “A Season of Grief & Gratitude,” you can pick up at the top of page 29. Either way, this is a helpful preview if you’re interested in ordering the book at a special price for Christmas gifts.)

Listen to this post read by the author HERE.

***I don’t usually add anything extra to my first Tuesday emails, but I DON”T WANT YOU TO MISS THIS SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY: I am partnering with seven other incredible writers for a Tidings of Joy Giveaway where the GRAND PRIZE winner will receive a HUGE $400 Amazon Gift Card! As a thank you for entering, everyone will receive a FREE gift from each author just for entering the giveaway. Enter soon, it’s only open until December 5.